3 May 2003

I don’t often write in a journal of any sort, nor have I while on mission kept any daily record. The events of these two years are mostly of the variety I would rather not remember. But today, there occurred an event that, while not being very extraordinary, was such that I feel obligated to record it permanently so that it might be available for future reference.

This morning we had an appointment with François and Julian, two friends aged about twenty-five and twenty, respectively. They had seemed interested to hear our message when we spoke to them last evening, so we had scheduled to meet and discuss at eleven o’clock this morning.

When we arrived, they were ready with their Bibles prepared. We chatted for a bit, getting to know each other better, and then Julian opened our discussion with a word of prayer, supplicating the Almighty for his Spirit to be with us as we spoke about the gospel of Jesus Christ. I led the discussion, first talking about such principles as the love of God, the atonement of Christ for our sins, and such basic ideas. We then discussed the church that Jesus Christ established while on the earth, and the foundation of apostles and prophets upon which it was laid. We spoke of authority from God, and of the truth as revealed to God’s chosen messengers. We talked of the apostasy, the rebellion from the truth, the death of the apostles and the subsequent plunge into the Dark Ages.

Although there were some minor points upon which we seemed to differ, on the main topics we were in agreement. They had many questions, and we were more than happy to discuss them. I turned the balance of the discussion over to my companion, Elder Rosenbrock. He spoke of Joseph Smith and of his vision of God the Father and Jesus Christ; he spoke of his discovery of gold plates and the subsequent translation thereof into the Book of Mormon. Elder Rosenbrock’s presentation was, perhaps, not up to standard—he is a new missionary, and has not the experience that others might have. Some points he did not explain sufficiently, I felt, and others he dwelled too long upon. Most critically he did not ask questions of François and Julian until their incredulity had reached the limit.

I felt, I must admit, several emotions in different directions as my companion spoke. I felt certain that I could teach in a more effective manner, but I knew that there was only one way for him to learn, and that was for him to struggle on his own. Further, I felt that regardless of who or with what skills one was teaching, the Holy Ghost is always the one to teach, and to testify. So I simply sat back, laughing to myself at some mistakes and blunders made, but overall trusting in the Lord.

After he finished his naïve stories, François and Julian began to question him on a variety of matters. Where did the Book of Mormon come from? How do we know that it was written by ancient American prophets? What evidence is there for it? Seeing the atrocious lack of any sort of information confirming the truth of our story, Julian said aloud, “But it’s all just assumptions!”

I almost laughed despite myself at my companion’s noble response: “No, it’s not assumptions. It’s the word of God, given by revelation to American prophets.” Julian, of course, was not convinced. They continued their barrage of questions, and eventually I was forced to step in and explain things a little more clearly. But it was Julian’s final response that was so momentous to me.

He had implied the same throughout the discussion, but I think for the first time, he stated outright that it was the Holy Spirit to which he was carefully listening. He used the example, “When you go into a Muslim’s house, and they speak to you about Allah and submission and so forth, how do you feel?” He stated very definitely that he knew that God would tell him the truth through the Holy Ghost. In discussions with Muslims, and with Jehovah’s Witnesses, and other religious sects, he always felt inside a distinct wrongness—he could feel inside himself that they were not correct.

And so I asked him, point-blank: “How do you feel about what we have been discussing with you?”

“Not good,” was his simple reply. “I feel that it’s not true.”

I nodded, knowing before he replied what his answer would be. “And you, François?”

“The same,” he answered. “When you were talking about Jesus Christ, and speaking from the Bible, I felt good about it. But when you started talking about other books—the Mormon book—and about Joseph Smith,” he shook his head. “I also don’t feel right about it; I don’t feel it’s true.”

After a few more friendly words were exchanged, I asked if they wanted a copy of the Book of Mormon for further study, but they declined. “That will not be necessary,” they said with a smile. I agreed with them—if the Holy Ghost had already told them the truth, there was no need for further pursual of it. When asked if they would like to continue the discussion another day, the answer was basically the same. I closed with a prayer, in which I felt the Spirit’s confirmation, and we departed—friends, but not united in faith.

Now it is my feelings about the above events which I would like to record. I felt convinced that François and Julian were honestly seeking confirmation from the Holy Ghost. They weren’t trying to “bible bash” with us, nor prove us wrong. They listened to us with an open mind but in the end remained unconvinced by our story. Indeed, especially the manner in which it was portrayed by my companion, the account seemed fantastic, even preposterous. But I knew that however preposterous the story, the Holy Ghost is who would have the last word.

The Holy Ghost confirmed to them that our story was false. I believe that as well—I did not feel the Spirit as we spoke, nor did it confirm the truthfulness of our message. I honestly feel that François and Julian felt exactly as they said they did. Why the Spirit was not there, I do not know. Perhaps it was because of our unworthiness; perhaps it was due to other factors. But it was not present in its role as a confirmation of the truth of what we were speaking.

I still feel ill at ease every time I think of our discussion with them, but I don’t know why. I do not understand everything that happened, but I feel impressed to write down this experience so that, perhaps at a much later time, I will be able to go back and review the emotions and the feelings of the day. I pray it will be of use to me then.